Oxygen for Your Writing Soul

The following images are various paintings I created whilst doing my PhD. I have called this online exhibition 'writing air' because the paintings represent moments in between research and writing where I needed to oxygenate my mind and brain. At these times I would stand up and go to my painting area, pick up a paint brush and work away on one or two canvases. Sometimes without really thinking and other times concentrating on what it was I was wanting to say in my writing . They were moments for absorbing colours and images without any focus on the outcome. It could be a quick wash with pthalo blue or more detailed colour results. Typically I had two canvases on the go mainly because I never liked wasting paint! I felt so refreshed from painting to carry on writing that it became a regular occurrence albeit with no set structure or routine.

I started noting which painting I was working on during the research and writing stages and for me there emerged some parallel resonance with what the image was representing. My musings about these are written in each of the painting descriptions. In these pieces I have used acrylic paints with some mixed media. All the canvases are large and in various sizes. My home working office space still has an area for painting - I love the ease of having everything so accessible. Doesn't make for a tidy office! Yet I find it a wonderful blend of energy.

My promise to myself was that I would share these paintings before I published my book. It is my first step in sharing so openly and publicly. These paintings reflect some of my vulnerabilities throughout my PhD journey - and also immediately after the achievement. This time I discovered, was quite a progression too. Completing this major project was a marathon and assimilating back into life again was quite a transition. It took me awhile to adjust back into the rhythm of of life without the continuous thinking about my PhD. Absorbing the achievement has been a wonderful feeling of self satisfaction.

Hope, trepidation and excitment

In the beginning I knew this is going to be hard work:
This painting was completed in the first 12 months of commencing my PhD. It began with from a photo I had taken in 2008 when in Pune, India. I was struck by this image of these hard working women, with bags of cement/grouting mixture perfectly balanced on their heads that they would then walk up steep make-shift stairs and planks to the men working laying roof tiles. It is very hard physical work that was well co-ordinated in amongst a chaotic worksite that would make most health and safety officer have canniptions!

Look at the beautiful smiles on their faces - captured for the camera perhaps. However in being around these women all day there were many smiles and often laughter.

I see such light and hope in this moment - which reflects my feelings at as I commenced the PhD journey. I was hopeful but also knew that my life was about to change to needing exceptional attention to time management and planning so as to fit this amongst working and my family life.

This painting was created with acrylics, molding and textured compounds and is approx 1m x 1.2m in size.

The research question

This painting is based on a photo I had took when in Utah in 2014, The bright yellow waterfall or reflective light to me symbolises the research question. Like most people I am sure, in the beginning a research area to explore is often very broad. Just like the vast Utah landscape. The challenge is to narrow the focus so as to be very succinct and niche. An 'inch wide and a mile deep' which is what I see the reflective yellow light represents.

My research question was; How do knowledge practices at team meetings facilitate group memory, team learning and knowledge building?

In reflection I see this image also depicting the the knowledge, learning and group memory of a land that has been around for thousands of years.

An acrylic painting on a ---m x ---m canvas.

Research planning

Through a design based reserch approach there were four phases of my project. This piece emerged during the research planning stage.

The first phase was a prestudy where I was an observer of various types of meetings. This was important particularly because I have been part of so many meetings I wanted to work from what I observed in this project to avoid as much as possible my own experiences. This first phases provided the structure and allowed the research strategy and plan to be developed and aligned ot the identified problems and related literature. Phase two allowed the presetudy findings from the observations to inform the main study design. Phase three set the expectations for regular iterations and analysis to review and refine the meeting practices and solutions during the main study, resulting in findings which informed the design guidelines. Phase four reflecting on the findings to devlop the design principles and detailed intervention guidelines for knowledge practices, learning and group memory in meetings.

This image protrays the layers of the phases. All of which were not symetrical or perfect. The petals symbolise the various phases from new to older open petals. The depth of colours and highlights attempt to show depth and light. The hues of blue perhaps signifying 'aha' moments through the project.

This painting sits on a 1mx1m canvas completed with arcylics.

The redundancy forest

During the time of doing my PhD I was made redundant. It was a painful time and experience. The pressure of being the main income earner in the family along with keeping up with the research process and milestones, coupled with our living in an extended family situation and living away from New Zealand, was in a nutshell - intense.

This image portrays my experience of the dark places and times along with feeling very wounded. I wanted to create a sense of walking through a dense forest of burnt and bloodied trucks.

Even though the painting strokes are straight - I was surprised at this because at the time I distinctly remember feelings of spirally downwards as my confidence plummeted and my capacity to reach out and talk about these experiences was completely non-existant.

Yet from someplace within I was hopeful and trusted that things would get better - hence the white light streaks inbetween.

Through a series of unexpected events I was asked to design and teach an introductory critical thinking unit for Chinese Masters' students who were attending a western education institution for the first time. When I think back about this now, it was life changing. I suspect in someway it was a parallel process with the students themselves who were going through a life changing situation of living and learning in a totally new culture and environment.

I then went on to teach under-graduate and postgraduate units at the business school. During this time I was fully immersed in university life as I kept up with my own research and writing at a research centre environment I loved.

In some strange way this was a very healing time. I was surrounded by people, cultures and languages from all over the world, beautiful university grounds that I walked most days and supportive peers.

This canvas is 180cm x 40cm.

A road of shadows and light

the ethics process for two studies, the supervision processes, the PhD group and colleages, the challenga and push to be innovative in approach and latest literature.

The challenge of bringing in my own experience and teaching, TA.

The painting is from a memory of Japanese cherry blossoms, a beautiful time of the year, a beautiful display of nature. Yet one of shadows too.

Attempting to creat a visualisation of depth of walking through my inexperience as an artist is shown here with inaccurate dimensions and flow. Which I think reflects my own inexperience as a researcher at the time. Yet with great aspirations to do this project well.

Data analysis

This busy image was created during the process of my data anaylsis. There was so much data to review and through video ethnography qualitative data analysis. Over 1,000 minutes of video recordings to watch and decipher trends from the spoken word, body language, the context, contradictions of views, frequency, intensity of comments and speicifity.

Video ethnography offers an important analytical tool when studying workplace activities (Heath, Hindmarsh and Luff, 2010, p.10). Heath et al. video ethnography provides three analysis layers. 1. A preliminary review which produced detailed catalogues of each meeting, assigning specific timecodes to significnat activities for transcription. 2. A substaintive review which analysed the transcriptions through thematic coding highlighting incidents for discourse and conversation analysis. 3. The analytic review focused on more in-depth meeting talk and phenomena.

Phenomena mitigation followed Van de Ven (2017) four step process of; 1. remain focused on what is known, 2. provide examples, 3. establish adequate regularity and 4. ensure connections between phenomena were evident.

Through creating this piece various clusters of like blooms emerged. The backdrop of blue epitomises the depth of the sky from which the flowers have become the prominent feature. The data being the sky the analysis become the bouquet.

An acrylic painting on a ---M by ___m canvas.

Presenting to others

New to PhD research the robustness of presenting my thinking, planning, methodologies and findings was integral to the process. Within the research centre I belonged to, along with my peer PhD group there were many regular opportunities and expectations to present.

This piece was created through attending a weekly night art class, which was also exhibited at the annual art show. As too was the 'research question' piece.

Exhibiting and presenting I found had many factors in common. Firstly, it was finding the courage to present an aspect of yourself for comment and review.

It was easy to get lost and hidden in my writing and paiinting. But to put both on display and invite feedback was a new experience in lots of ways.

I had found it easier in my organisational psychology training through 'fish-bowl' learning activities when others watched you work in your capacity as a coach or supervisor with a client where you openly contracted for the feedback you wanted from your peers and teacher/supervisor. In thinking about this now, the later situation was more controlled and structured. Whereas presenting your research to others which could be an audience of very senior academics and peers - there was always an uncertainty of what you would receive. Some of these research presentnig experiences could be harsh and deflating, whilst others were illuminating.

This bouquet represents both the harsh and the illuminant through the red/orange and the yellow blooms. The green - the growth through both these experiences.

An acrylic paining on a __m x __m canvas.

Trusting the process

There were many times I wondered what I had taken on. What was I thinking? Was I in the right place at the right time? What possess me to think I could do this? Was I going to be good enough? The imposter syndrome was alive and well. It rose and fell like stormy and calm waves throughout the entire PhD journey.

One thing I did know for sure was that I would finish this project. I was determined never to hear myself say "I started a PhD ....".

This image began with a blood red background perhaps because of wanting a colour of intense feelings. It soon developed into having various lanes with different shapes and pictures. Possibly depicting the constant tangents I would find my thinking and emotions.

The sun and the moon represent the day and night, the light and dark, and ultimately the yin and yan of my confidence which was constantly moving and changing.

The poem has been one I have loved and appeared one day when I was looking through my piles of paper. This poem has been adapted from a prayer written by Saint Terese of Liseaux.
"May today there be peace within, May you trust that you are exactly were you are meant to be, May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others, May you use the gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content with yourself just the way you are. Let this knowledge settle into your bones and allow your soul the freedom to: sing, dance, praise and love."

A large acrylic painting on a __m x ___m canvas.

Love and hate

This image feels like it represents the last 12-18 months of my PhD. I was very excited by my findings, the possibilities and the contribution it could make to literature and to everyday meeting practice.

But as I got closer to the pointy end of writing and completing I began to become physically unwell. I had presented at a conference in Singapore and had then scheduled a time to be in Western Australia staying with my son and partner in the spare room for a month to do a bulk of the writing end product. But by the time I got there I had been diagnosed with a ------ colitis. Not to go into the gory details but it meant a bathroom needing being available immediately 24/7! I had ditched the medication as it made me feel a million times worse and ordered CBD oil (advanced) from Charlotte's Web in the USA to be there when I arrived. This along with the specific carbohydrate diet (SCD) over the month saw my health improve 80%. Interestingly I felt my body unwind and I slept more soundly than I had for years (the oil I suspect which had no THC). I wrote madly and wildly every day. Coming home having achieved my goal. However, it took another few months to be physically back to normal.

This image is the love and hate of major goals, which I feel reaches a hiatus and a frenzy close to the finish line.

This is a mixed media piece incorporating tissue paper and acrylics on a 70cm x 90cm canvas.

Research findings

LBAs uncertainty, confirmation and structure. Spontaneous and planned LBAs.

Made it: An open lily

Blooming

my contribution to the thinking and experience - I hope has sown seeds - even to one person ....

Link to my upcoming book and my own feelings about sharing my research, writing and thinking.

The image representing blooms - of the many contributions - and people blossoming with their contributions to the world,d......

Mandy Lacy

Creative

ignite your creativity

Oxygen for Your Writing Soul